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Childhood Re-watch: Willow PART 2

We left off with out heroes captured by Sorsha and her forces. The heroes are being dragged along the caravan towards certain doom.

Madmartigan of course gets lippy with Sorsha, which really isn’t smart when you’re walking with your hands tied ans your captor is on a horse. Madmartigan gets a boot to the face and decides that he really doesn’t like Sorsha.

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High kick!

The convoy continues until they reach a snowy mountain camp. The heroes are locked away but they quickly start to devise an escape plan. The tiny comic relief characters managed to sneak along and conveniently packed lock picking tools. Also, they have love potion powder. Which becomes important and awful pretty quickly. As they are picking the lock, Madmartigan accidentally gets hit with a does of love powder.

After sneaking through the camp, the crew finds where Elora is. She is tucked away in Sorsha’s tent. Madmartigan sneaks in but as soon as he sees Sorsha, the love powder takes effect resulting in a classic cringey Pepe Le Pew situation.

Madmartigan professes his undying love for Sorsha. She brandishes a knife, as you do when a strange man climbs on top of you when you’re sleeping. But as he pressures and pressures, her resolve softens. I disliked this scene as a kid and I think I dislike it even more as an adult.

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UGH. QUIT IT.

Chaos happens, the tent falls down and we then get to the most intense toboggan escape in movie history. Aaaaand we’re back to the baby screencaps!

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She’s all about the big air

Elora is clearly enjoying this insanity.vlcsnap-2017-10-10-21h04m02s923.pngvlcsnap-2017-10-10-21h04m15s486.pngvlcsnap-2017-10-10-21h05m14s642.pngvlcsnap-2017-10-10-21h05m32s321.png

The scenery is pretty stunning and I have the sudden urge to go snowboarding. Willow and Elora crash in to a house at the bottom of the mountain while Madmartigan continues to roll down the slope in the form of a snowball. All of that massive air leads to one tired baby.

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So sleepy

But the heroes don’t have much time to rest as Kale and Sorsha are hot on their heels and start searching the village for the escapees. Hidden under the wooden floor, Elora forgets how important it is not to cry when they are hiding and she alerts Sorsha. Sorsha investigates the hidden passage on her own and promptly gets captured by Madmartigan.

Which leads to some captor/captive sexual tension.

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UGHHHHHHHH

Still squicks me out. I disliked the romance part growing up as a kid, because ew cooties. But now I dislike it for different ew reasons.

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So much side eye

Because Sorsha is no push-over, she fights her way free and with throat punch and a well placed kick to the crotch, she secures her escape.

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KAPOW

Willow and his crew continue on to the castle of Tir Asleen, where there was supposed to be a good king and queen that would look after Elora. However, all the inhabitants are turned to stone and there is troll poop everywhere. Not long after they enter the castle, the heroes spy the evil army closing in. Madmartigan sets up a series of Home Alone style traps to attempt to take on the army himself.

Meanwhile, Willow runs into a troll and his only line of defence is the magic wand. He shoots the troll in the butt (haha, butt joke) and we are treated to pure nightmare fuel.

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I don’t think it is dead yet
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Elora agrees

The gross brain thing is kicked into the moat where it becomes an even bigger problem. So we have a battle between Madmartigan and the evil army as well as this two-headed giant monster.

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More movie magic

 

Madmartigan battles valiantly by himself until Airk”s army of good shows up to help. I loved this battle scene as a kid. So much excitement, so many cool sword moves and Sorsha starts to turn over a new leaf. I guess she is inspired by Madmartigan’s reckless bravery. I’d rather her come to this conclusion by other means though.

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Stop staring
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Staahhhp
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UGH

While Sorsha and Madmartigan are making out, Kale manages to steal Elora from Willow. He races off with her back to Bavmorda’s headquarters. Willow is rightfully devastated, but Madmartigan, Airk and newly good Sorsha convince him that they will be able to save Elora.

Another short travel montage later and the good army is camped out in front of Bavmorda’s fortress. In Monty Pythonesque fashion, Bavmorda taunts the heroes from the walls of her fortress except instead of calling them names, she turns them all into pigs, save for Willow who is casting a protection spell over his tent.

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FANGS
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More nightmare fuel

While the army is now all running around in pig form, Bavmorda and her old man sidekick are preparing Elora for the ritual that will banish her adorable tiny-baby soul forever.

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Elora’s not super into this bondage thing

Tension mounts!

Through more movie magic, Willow finally succeeds in transforming Fin Raziel back into her human form.

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ehhhhh, close enough

With Fin Raziel back to normal, she turns the army back into humans and they go about a COMPLETELY IMPROBABLE plan to break into the castle. The next morning, Willow and Raziel appear to be the only ones left. They surrender and the guards open the drawbridge.

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We’re not suspicious at all.

But wait! Willow hits the big drum beside him and the whole army, including the horses, come up out of the ground. OUT OF THE GROUND!

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We buried the horses, no big deal

HOW DID NO ONE NOTICE? How did no one notice an entire army working away to bury themselves. Is there no night shift?

Anyway.

They successfully break into the fortress and a giant battle happens. Blah, blah, boring fight, when do we get more Elora screencaps? Madmartigan fights all of the people. Airk dies, Kale dies while Willow, Sorsha and Raziel make it to the ritual room for a showdown with Bavmorda.

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Are you here to save me?

Bavmorda is pissed off that Sorsha has betrayed her. She should have seen it coming though. Her old man sidekick forshadowed as much.

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Close call

Raziel saves Sorsha with a flick of her wrist. Get ready for old lady magic showdown!

Bavmorda and Raziel battle it out with magic, throwing fire, ice and each other around the room. This scene was just as entertaining as I remember it.

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Fire and ice
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Old lady battle are intense

 

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Not quite dead yet.

Bavmorda, unfortunately is not defeated, but Willow managed to grab Elora. And just like at the beginning of the movie, he uses a cheap sleight of hand trick to make Bavmorda believe he made Elora actually disappear.

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Willow: I’ll make you disappear Elora: Dude, really?

Bavmorda freaks out, probably because an all-powerful sorceress was fooled by a silly sleight of hand trick. She gets zapped by the ritual alter, and is sucked into some sort of hell dimension I assume.

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Bitch, bye

And that is basically the movie. Willow gets a hero’s welcome when he gets home. I might be ignoring the part where Madmartigan and Sorsha are together at the end. Still not a fan, but I think that will do a good job looking after this adorable baby.

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Elora thinks you can do better, Sorsha

SO!

Final thoughts:

  • All I care about now is this baby
  • I hate how Sorsha and Madmartigan come to be together even more now than I did as a kid.
  • This movie is basically the Lord of the Rings but with a baby and without throwing the baby into a volcano.
  • The battle scenes weren’t as cool as I remembered.
  • The baby was definitely cuter than I remembered
  • It was worth a re-watch just to re-discover how cute this baby was
  • Did I say the baby was cute?
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Byeeeeeeeeee

 

 

 

 

 

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Linzo View All

Chemist by day, dodgeballer and photographer by night. Relationship anarchist and passionate Earper.

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